How to Become Your Life’s Mentor

Black Orange is new, 40 30 is new, and life and career educators are new personal educators. From Fortune 500 CEOs to Hollywood stars to opera, people are performing better, making smarter decisions, and reaching new heights in areas such as work, finance, relationships and health, all thanks to mentor s.

Executive mentoring is defined by the International Federation of Mentores as “working with clients in an innovative and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.” But according to the Harvard Business Review, “What can mentores do for you?” It can be expensive — as much as $3,500 per hour, with an average hourly cost of $500. Research report

Unfortunately, many people do not have the money to work with a life mentor. A 2013 study by Stanford University and the Miles Group found that two-thirds of executives do not receive guidance from sources outside their company, and 100% of participants aspire.

What should an average hardworking American do? Consider this: Many people want to work with a personal trainer, but they get the job because they can not afford it. And if it is possible to move the workout outside the gym and under your own roof, does that mean you can bring in other trainers at home and do it alone?

Many experts say yes. Mentoring itself, by applying professional mentoring techniques to your goals and experiences, is not only practical, but the ultimate goal that mentores help clients achieve. It takes discipline and sacrifice, but it can be done.

“Most people will not have a professional mentor for most of their lives,” says Dr. Marshall Goldsmith, a world-renowned leadership mentor and author. I usually work with people for a year to a year and a half. “So being a mentor yourself is a great idea.”

“Self-mentoring is what I teach educators and clients,” adds Martha Beck, who teaches life mentoring around the world and has written three New York Times bestsellers. This is the goal. Each of us has the ability to learn wisdom, and by learning wisdom, we become our own counselor and begin to use experience as our teacher. “And then we’re free at home.”

When to mentor yourself to be your own mentor

First things first: How do you know when it’s time to put on your mentoring helmet?

Beck, who USA Today calls him “the most famous life mentor in the country,” says the main reason clients are looking for mentoring is change. “Either they are in the middle of change and do not know what to expect, or they have to change and they can not achieve it,” says Beck. Common scenarios of the former include receiving a promotion, accepting a challenging new project, or moving across a country, while situations involving the latter include changing jobs, losing weight, quitting smoking, and so on.

If you are anxious, unsupported, or depressed about a particular area of ​​your life, these are signs that you may need mentoring. “There are no signs of deficiency, because the way your true self shows that it needs support is to cause discomfort and dissatisfaction,” Beck says.

Identify areas for improvement to be your own mentor

Once you have identified the changes you need to make in your life, the next step is to identify the areas you need to target: jobs, health, finances, and so on.

Beck recommends focusing on the “least satisfaction area” first. If a person has a good life, but there are things that are not great, work on the things that are not great. If you have a terrible life, work on the worst. “It is in the place of the greatest suffering that there is the potential for the greatest progress.”

He attaches great importance to the compass of the body, which is made up of “physical emotions” that occur when you move towards something that is good for you or something that is not good for you. “If you do nothing but pursue feelings of liberation and liberation from contraction and tension in the body, you will make very good instinctive decisions.”

David Rock, Ph.D., director of the Institute for Nervous Leadership, suggests looking at your thought patterns: “Whenever you think about the same thought, I wish I could (fill in the blanks). I wish I could be more organized. “I wish I could build a social life — if you do not change the situation, you probably will not change the situation.”

Even if you identify numerous areas that need improvement, experts warn that you should address them each time and work on each for three months to a year or until you are satisfied.

Set manageable goals to be your own mentor

Rock, author of the best-selling book Your Brain at Work, says research supports short, precise goals: “A goal of three to seven words is extraordinary. If you do not remember something, it does not live in your world. “It has to be embedded in your brain.”

“Positive expression of purpose is also very important,” he says. You move from positive to positive instead of negative. “The way the brain works, we try to move towards something, and the goals are about having more.” So if your goal is to be calmer, you will find peace in your life. But if your goal is to have less stress, you will notice stress because your brain is focused on it.

“Research shows that people achieve their goals in half the time, and become more sustainable if they get closer to their goals,” says Rock.

Goldsmith practices and swears by the “daily questioning process” developed by Andrew Thorne, Ph.D. You start by creating a spreadsheet. In the first column, write 20 to 30 questions that indicate who you want to be and what you want to achieve.

Ask yourself, what is really important in my life and who is the person I want to become? “Many of us do not need a mentor to understand this,” says Goldsmith. Some of his personal questions are: How much do I weigh? Did I make time for my wife? How many minutes did I write?

The next seven columns are on your spreadsheet for the days of the week. “Fill in the same questionnaire every day — your answers should be yes, no or no — and at the end of the week, you will have a scorecard that” tells you your behavior is in line with your values, “says Goldsmith. Over time, as you reach your goals, create new goals and new questions. “It helps you get better at almost anything. It keeps you focused on the important things.”

Journal is also a great tool for self-study. Beck recommends recording your quality of life on a daily scale from zero to 10: 10 is extremely happy and zero is miserable. Keep notes of what you learned from the process. “The goal is to look back and see what you did in the days when you felt bad,” he says. Here’s a look: Where did my happiness go? “Where did I find happiness?”

Be Your Life’s Mentor

He says the method was eye-opening when he planned to start his television show. Beck found out through his diary that all his happy moments were outside — so it makes no sense to lock himself in the studio. “Because we are so blind to our own happiness, I did not really know it until I saw it in a magazine,” he says.

Gather support

Note that just because you do not work with a mentor, you do not need to mentor yourself without any outside support. “Research shows that being in a support network is incredibly powerful and useful for staying on track,” says Rock. “This is one of the reasons why anonymous alcoholics work so well.”

He attributes this in part to positive social pressure: When you set a goal for friends, family, and co-workers, you are more likely to stick to it because you do not want to look bad. So bring this news to your circles and rely on them in difficult times.

Goldsmith says her clients learn more from those around them than from her: “See who the most important people in your life are.” “Involve them in helping you change.”

If you want to be a better listener, ask your spouse for ideas on how to do it. Practice them and come back to that person after two weeks for more feedback and ideas. Goldsmith says research shows that those who pursue their goal with others make great strides.

10 Emphasis on Life Mentoring

In the guide to his best-selling international book In Search of His North Star, Beck provides a list of 10 short but sweet emphatic sentences to encourage you in the sometimes daunting transformation process that accompanies any type of mentoring.

He recommends that if you start to feel anxious, frustrated, or frustrated, write these positive sentences on the walls of your home, office, and other places — “including the walls of your mind.” “Repeat these until you believe them,” Beck writes.

1. There is enough wealth, love and happiness to circulate.

2. I succeed because of my choices, not blind luck.

3. If there is a problem, I will find out how to fix it.

4. I created this situation once, and I can create it again — and again and again…

5. If I lose everything, many people are willing to help me.

6. I can cope with my life right now — and that’s all I have to do.

7. Nothing can take my destiny away from me.

8. Other very, very good things have come from there.

9. I will always have a lot.

10. I have free access to infinite richness.

Be prepared for failures

Self-learning is not easy, and it is important to accept it from the beginning. Such an understanding will help you when you encounter obstacles along the way — because failures are inevitable and even the most successful people in the world fail. “When you fail, forgive yourself for what happened yesterday,” says Goldsmith. “Know that this is a daily process. If you leave, you will not get better.”

Say you are a golfer and hit a sand trap. If you get upset, your next blow will probably be worse. Instead, tell yourself what happened, what happened. I want to start over. I do the best shot I can.

If you encounter obstacles all the time, take a close look at your surroundings. What factors in your home, job or social circle can work against you? “If you do not change your environment, it will return you to the same behavior,” says Goldsmith.

Beck points out that everyone in mentoring gets to the point where they fail. When this happens, Beck recommends using intuition as a barometer to ask the following questions: Is this what I really wanted? What did I learn from my defeat? Do I want to go again? If it’s true, you want to go again, and you will insist, and you will fail, and you will fail, and you will succeed. “Every success that has been achieved is always happening.”